Parenting Skills: Positive Reframing

Positive reframing can shore up children’s confidence as well. Credit: iStock

Leo Kanner, author of the first textbook on child psychiatry, used to tell anecdotes about two mothers he knew.

One complained that her sons would spread the Sunday comics on the living room floor to read them.

The other, whose sons had done the same thing as children, said it was one of her fondest memories.

He used to argue that the second mother was the better parent, because she had a more positive attitude.

But what was behind that positive attitude?

Perhaps the mother was thinking about how her children were honing their reading skills. Or, how they were sharing both comics and floor space without fighting.

In other words, she was most likely engaging in what we now call positive reframing, the practice of either focusing on the positive aspects of a bothersome situation or just looking at it differently.

Positive reframing helps us see our children, and our children see themselves in a more favourable light.

If this approach is applied to how we view children, the technique can prevent us from overreacting.

Adolescents
When an adolescent does all those adolescent things, such as leaving her room a mess and spending too much time texting, we can take refuge in the knowledge that by challenging authority and connecting with friends, she is working through an important developmental stage.

Positive reframing can help us understand children from different cultures, too.

For example, Native American students often resist participating in competitive learning games such as spelling bees, causing some teachers to see them as disengaged.

However, when the students' resistance is understood as an expression of a cultural bias toward cooperation over competition, the teacher can see strength in it.

Overcoming Aversions
Applied to helping kids interpret their own behaviour, positive reframing can foster growth. It can help overcome aversions, as it did for one young boy who hated bath time.

Knowing he enjoyed war play, his mother got him to see the bath as a place to enact sea battles, bringing in toy ships and using bubble bath to simulate foamy waves.

The mother of a reluctant eater presented broccoli as "dino trees"—which her "brontosaurus" son would then devour.

Fighting Sleep
A couple with a daughter who resisted going to sleep because her room was dark and scary held a dance party in the dark, after which she associated being in the dark with having a good time.

Positive reframing can shore up children's confidence as well.

On the last play of an important ball game, the right fielder on a children's team I coached, dropped a line-drive fly ball (???), which allowed our opponents to score the winning run.

When the boy came to me distraught, I shared what the pitcher had told me, that his last pitch was too easy to hit, resulting in a hard-to-catch line drive.

I also reminded the boy that before the game, I had denied him time in the outfield to practice 'shagging fly balls.'(???)

He went from thinking he had blown the game to understanding that several factors had contributed to our team's loss.

Finally
Even some of the toughest behaviour problems often respond to positive reframing. For instance, when a first-grader made a beeline for the coloured pencils by walking on chairs and desktops, his teacher said, "That's a great idea to use coloured pencils for your journal and you got them all by yourself."

She went on to suggest that in the future, he keep his feet on the floor, which he agreed to do.

Another teacher, faced with a student, James, who suddenly jumped up from a class meeting and started to dance, turned to his classmates and said matter-of-factly, "James likes to dance." James responded by sitting down and rejoining the meeting.

The developmental psychologist Jerome Bruner praises the unflappable Head Start teacher who, while reading "Little Red Riding Hood" to her young students, was stopped short at the famous lines "All the better to eat you!" line.

At this point, one little boy leapt to his feet, furious, and began cursing the wolf, swearing like a sailor. The teacher simply reflected to herself on how much meaning the boy was finding in the story and then asked him how he would have written it differently. The question got him thinking and quieted him down.

We might try to emulate that teacher's self-possession and know-how the next time a kid's shenanigans drive us to salty language ourselves.

Remember, looking on the bright side is for anyone who wants to help children develop while preserving their own sanity.

TOSCA Study: Concerta® and Risperdal®, help adolescents with ADHD, aggression

Prescribing both a stimulant and an antipsychotic drug to children with physical aggression and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), along with teaching parents to use behaviour management techniques, reduces aggressive and serious behavioural problems in the children.

This is the result of a study conducted by researchers at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center.

The study was conducted in conjunction with the University of Pittsburgh, Stony Brook University in New York and Case Western Reserve University in Ohio.

The findings published online this week ahead of publication in the January issue of the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.

"Combination pharmacotherapy is becoming common in child and adolescent psychiatry, but there has been little research evaluating it," said first author Michael Aman, director of clinical trials at Ohio State's Nisonger Center and emeritus professor of psychology.

"Our findings may be considered somewhat controversial because they appear to support the use of two drugs over one for treating children with aggression and disruptive behaviour when things do not seem to be going well.

Many practitioners have been taught to 'Keep things simple and safe' in their medical training. In general, this is good advice."

For the "Treatment of Severe Childhood Aggression (TOSCA) Study," 168 children ages 6 to 12 who had been diagnosed with ADHD and displayed significant physical aggression were divided into two groups.

All study participants received a psychostimulant drug called OROS methylphenidate (Concerta®) and their parents received behavioural parent training for nine weeks.

The researchers called this treatment combination "basic" because both are evidence-based and have been shown to be helpful for improving both ADHD and aggression.

Researchers wanted to see if they could expand or augment this treatment by adding a second medication. If there was room for improvement at the end of the third week, a placebo was added for the "basic group," while the antipsychotic drug Risperidone (RISPERDAL®) was added for participants in the "augmented group."

Compared to the "basic group," the "augmented group" who received the stimulant drug and parent training plus risperidone showed significant improvement (on average with moderately better behaviour) on the Nisonger Child Behavior Rating Form (NCBRF) Disruptive-Total Scale, the NCBRF Social Competence subscale and the Reactive Aggression part of the Antisocial Behaviour Scale.

While there is always some risk with the addition of a second drug to the treatment package, the two drugs seemed to neutralize some of each other's potential side effects.

For instance, children in the augmented group did not seem to have as much trouble falling asleep, once the risperidone was added, Aman said.

"We conducted this study because we viewed the combination of ADHD and significant physical aggression – especially the aggression – as a serious situation," Aman said.

"It is not uncommon to use more than one medicine for other serious situations, such as when treating cancer or epilepsy for instance."

"Although doctors have often used stimulants and antipsychotics together in recent years, we did not have good evidence until now that they would work more effectively when carefully staged and given together."

More information: "Treatment of Severe Childhood Aggression (TOSCA) Study,"

Children really want and need, limits, boundaries and limitations?

Social Media Guru Jason Falls Talks about Parenting - YouTube

Social business marketing guru Jason Falls and talk about parenting.

Jason Falls, co-author of No Bullshit Social Media is one of the most in-demand speakers in the social media, public relations and marketing fields due to a simple truth: He delivers value. Known for his clever insights, sharp wit and the ever-present brutal honesty, Falls tackles audiences, not topics, engaging and sending all away with a sense they’ve learned something.

Perhaps at best in the role of social media educator, Falls has spoken nationally and internationally on a wide range of topics and to a variety of audiences. From corporate board rooms to standing-room-only conference halls, Falls caters each presentation to the audience make up, energy and comprehension level.

Falls also coordinates workshops on social media marketing for groups like American Marketing Association, Public Relations Society of America and International Association of Business Communicators chapters. Lisa Ross, president of the Central Virginia Chapter of the AMA had this to say after his Digital Marketing Summit in April of 2010:

“Jason developed content for a full-day seminar for our organization on Digital Marketing. He brought in other social and digital media experts to give the event added interest. Not only is Jason a brilliant speaker, he delivered a turnkey event that was profitable for our chapter and got rave reviews from the attendees.”

To book Jason for your event, or contact him about collaborating for more involved events for  your organization, send him a message on his booking page.

You can visit his website, www.jasonfalls.com
OR explore his resources at www.socialmediaexplorer.com

Temper Tantrums

For more information on parenting skills and tantrums, visit ParentMagic.com

TED Dimitri Christakis - Media and Children - YouTube

Young children who have early exposure to television are more likely to develop an increased risk of behavioural and learning problems, according to a recent study.

The research, led by Dr Dimitri Christakis, paediatrician and director of the Seattle Children's Research Institute's Center for Child Health, Behavior and Development, has found that too much time spent viewing rapid screen images and sounds can make real-time activities seem boring, causing attention problems when children enter the classroom.

"Parents are surprisingly poorly informed about this and in our studies we're working hard to educate them. Parents need to know TV and other media have real and powerful effects on their kids," Christakis said.

He compared the ages of children's exposure to television and discovered that the average age for a child in the 1970s was four years old. Today, it is four months.

Rules Your Children didn't Learn at School

Good Parenting Builds Self Esteem

If you want to learn more about 1-2-3 Parenting Skills visit their website here

Plus we are also happy to discuss your issues. Please feel free to contact us via the blog.

Parenting Skills: When did we start to lose them?

I can't help but feel that we started to lose direct control over our children when they lost their tails!

Do you agree or do you have another opinion?

Childhood Obesity: Dads more likely than moms to impact

A father’s use of restaurants and his perceptions of family meals carry more weight, so to speak, than mothers’, according to a Texas AgriLife Research study, published recently in The Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior.

“Dads who think that dinner time is a special family time certainly do not see a fast-food restaurant as an appropriate place for that special family time, so this means that his kids are spending less time in those places."

"Dads who have no trouble eating food in a fast-food restaurant are going to be more likely to have kids who do so,” said Dr. Alex McIntosh, AgriLife Research sociologist.

Childhood obesity study points to father’s role

New research indicates that father’s are more likely than mother’s to have an impact on childhood obesity. A study by Texas AgriLife Research showed that lenient fathers allow their children more trips to fast-food restaurants which have been linked to obesity in children. (Texas AgriLife Research photo by Kathleen Phillips)

The study began as a 15-month look at parents’ use of time and how that impacted meal choices. It aimed at the difference between fast-food and full-service restaurants because numerous studies have shown a correlation between fast-food consumption and weight gain.

Of particular interest for the research, funded by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, was parental choice of restaurants as a connection to childhood obesity, McIntosh said.

Almost as an afterthought, the researchers decided to ask children in these families also to record what they ate and whether it was at home or out. If a meal was eaten out, the name of the restaurant was not required.

“It never occurred to me that we would have data on them eating out and where they were eating out. But the kids — if they said they ate out, they always wrote down where they ate by the name of the restaurant,” McIntosh said. “So it was just a matter of tracking down information about the restaurant to find out if they were full-service or more like a fast-food place.”

Read more of this article here

Sibling Rivalry needs 3 Simple Rules

PAS: Parental Alienation Ayndrome and Divorced parents

The American Psychiatric Association is contemplating adding something called "parental alienation syndrome" (PAS) to the new edition of the DSM, scheduled to be published in May 2013, and the question has launched a national lobbying in the US and letter-writing campaigns on both sides.

Angry letters and editorials should not play any part in a debate about mental health and custody disputes but the fact these are being listened to tells you most of what you need to know about the validity of PAS.

What is parental alienation syndrome? William Bernet, a professor of psychiatry at the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine and an advocate for its inclusion in the DSM-5, describes it as "a mental condition in which a child, usually one whose parents are engaged in a high conflict divorce, allies himself or herself strongly with one parent, and rejects a relationship with the other parent, without legitimate justification."

Recognising Parental Alienation

There is no doubt that an ugly divorce can affect kids' relationship with their parents or cause children to choose sides, often in anger. In fact, that probably happens more often than not.

But Bernet and others who argue for adding PAS to the new edition of DMS, the official catalogue of mental health, want to see it recognized as a legitimate mental health disorder because it will "spur health insurance coverage, stimulate more systematic research, lend credence to [the] charge of parental alienation in court, and raise the odds that children would get timely treatment."

In other words, they want to affix a name, some blame, and also a price tag on a broad range of child responses to a custody fight (some may be perfectly justified and some may not) in the hopes of expanding its use in court.

There are downsides to including PAS in the DSM. A minimum of three participants are needed to diagnose PAS therefore it looks less like a mental health disorder than an epidemic.

It assumes that one unbalanced person (the mother) brainwashes or unduly influences, a second unbalanced or suggestable person (the child) into telling lies about a third person (the father).

Simply because a number of parents have experienced the frustration of blocked visitation rights and unreturned phone calls, doesn't mean that this conduct is the result of a medical "syndrome."

Joan S. Meier, a professor of clinical law at George Washington University School of Law, has explained it this way:

"PAS is a label that offers a particular explanation for a breach in relationship between a child and parent, but insofar as that breach could be explained in other, more rational, ways, it is not in itself a medical or psychological diagnosis (a certainty) so much as a particular legal hypothesis."

Read more about PAS here

Personal Experiences and Adjustment of Dutch Adults with Dyslexia

Twenty-seven Dutch adults (ages 20-39) with dyslexia participated in individual in-depth interviews about the way they coped with their life and their disability. The interviews were transcribed verbatim and qualitatively and quantitatively analysed.

Most participants felt a strong impact of the dyslexia on daily life and experienced many educational and career problems. School memories were mostly negative, but family relations were predominantly felt as positive and supportive.

Parent-school cooperation was perceived as almost nonexistent. Many respondents reported social and emotional problems, but still perceived themselves as persevering and responsible.

Parental support appeared to be a powerful predictor of adult adjustment and well-being. Those with positive elementary school experiences were more accepting of their disability. Some implications for parents and schools are discussed.

Personal Experiences and Adjustment of Dutch Adults with Dyslexia: Remedial and Special Education

It's good to be a Father: Dad's life music video

Extended Parental support in Teenage years

A new study from the Journal of Marriage and Family shows that contrary to popular anxieties about slacker young adults who refuse to grow up, or indulgent parents who stifle their adult children’s development by continuing to support them, there is evidence that parental assistance in early adulthood promotes progress toward autonomy and self-reliance.

Study author Teresa Swartz, “The fact that young people depend so heavily upon their parents well beyond the age when most people from earlier generations had already started families and had dependable jobs has triggered a great deal of public anxiety over whether these trends signal young adult immaturity and stunted development.

The larger social trends in delaying family formation may be one reason for the extended dependence upon parents. Today, the road to adulthood is much longer and more arduous than it was thirty years ago.”

The researchers collected longitudinal data to examine the conditions under which young adults are more likely to receive financial support for living expenses, or to live in the parental home.

Although almost half of the respondents received either money for living expenses or lived with their parents (or both) in their mid-twenties, only 10-15% received financial or housing help when in their early 30s.

The likelihood of receiving financial help decreased 15% each year, and the likelihood of living with parents decreased by 18% each year. Swartz, “These results indicate that young people do eventually become independent of parents as they grow older.”

Beyond the effects of age, young people were more likely to receive help from their parents if they were students or had encountered recent difficulties such as a job loss, a serious illness, or a divorce. Swartz, “Parental aid serves as ‘scaffolding’ to help young people who are working towards financial self-sufficiency and as ‘safety nets’ for those who have experienced serious difficulties.

In an economy that requires advanced education for good jobs, parents are more likely to aid their children when they are students. As the labor market offers fewer opportunities for stable, full-time, well-paid work for the young, parents often fill in when needed.”

The authors find that parental support tapers as young adult children take on adult roles such as earning higher incomes or forming families, regardless of their age. Lead author Teresa Swartz, “Forming intimate partnerships, in the forms of marriage and cohabitation, appears to signal to parents that their children have moved into adulthood and should now be on their own.

Although family formation is largely understood as a ‘choice’ today and not viewed as essential for achieving adult status, it does appear that parents and/or adult children themselves interpret family formation as an indicator that adult self-sufficiency is appropriate.”

The findings provide evidence that families are adaptive and responsive to family members needs and troubles, and that parents are more likely to support adult children, even those who are older, to help them get through hard times and to help them attain self-sufficiency.

The instability and rapid pace of change during early adulthood may make young adulthood a particularly vulnerable period necessitating a safety net more frequently than other stages in life.

Full paper available here

Parenting techniques: Releasing Anger

Shifting YOUR attitude and perceptions so that you can experience more joy and peace in your life.

Here are some techniques for rapidly diminishing anger in any situation:

1. Chi Gong Exercise for Releasing Anger:
Think of an issue that makes you feel angry. Stand with your feet shoulder width apart and your hands at your sides. Tuck in your pelvis and slightly bend your knees, as if you were sitting on an imaginary tall stool behind you.

As you breathe in, slowly bring your hands up at your sides to the level of your shoulders with your arms straight and as you reach the height of your shoulders, turn your palms upward facing the sky.

Then continue to raise your arms, bringing your hands over your head. Make a fist with each hand. While making a loud 'Tchu' or 'Chew' sound, forcefully exhale while rapidly bringing down your arms all the way to thigh level and opening your fists, flinging and releasing the angry energy into the earth.

Feel the tension releasing from your muscles as you perform this manoeuvre. Repeat this motion at least 3 more times or until you feel the anger completely released.

2. Ceremonial Anger Release:
Write down on a piece of paper the issue that is creating anger or resentment for you. This may be in a form of a letter to the person with whom you have the issue or may just be your own angry thoughts that you are feeling.

We present three ways of performing this ceremonial release. You may, of course, create your own ceremony that feels appropriate for you.

• 1) The first ceremony involves tying your note to a helium balloon and releasing the note into the air to be carried away.
• NB: Make certain that you have no identifying information on the note that you have written if you choose to use this method as the balloon will inevitably pop once it reaches a high altitude and your note may return to the earth several miles away. (You do not want your anger returned to you)
• 2) The second ritual involves burying your note in the ground to allow the anger to be released and transformed by the earth.
• 3) The third way of transforming anger is performed by burning your note outside in a ceremonial fire or in a fireplace. 
• NB: Make sure to contain your ceremonial fire in a safe manner; never leave a fire untended, and make certain you have water, sand, or a fire extinguisher to put the fire out when you are finished with your ceremony. (Avoid anger spreading with the fire)

3. The ‘La Cucaracha’ Technique:
If you have to be around a person that you harbour anger towards and you are not yet ready to transform the anger or resentment, then this technique may be helpful to you.

Picture the person as a giant cockroach. Although this may sound a little bizarre, it can really work because a cockroach is completely predictable; it will come out in the dark and runs to hide when the light is on. It is the nature of the creature.

We do not get angry at a cockroach for not coming out when the lights are on because we understand its nature and motivation.

If you think about someone who repeatedly annoys you, their behaviours are also predictable after a while. The circumstances may change but the overall pattern remains stable over time.

Consider that person to be like a cockroach; or, for those of you squeamish about cockroaches, like an ant or another insect.

Now, think of the person you are harbouring anger towards and see them as if they are a giant ant or cockroach wearing human clothes, with their antennae bobbing around on the top of their head and their little insect arms dangling off their sides.

If you picture this image when you are around the person in question, then you will become less fixated on their behaviours and will not take what they say or do seriously or personally.

Sometimes it can help to hum softly under your breath, “La cucaracha, La cucaracha”. The Spanish term for cockroach is ‘cucaracha’.

You will definitely be more relaxed towards the person angering you, your self, and the situation in general if you use this technique.

NB: You should always remove your self from any abusive situation. This would not be an appropriate means of dealing with someone who is physically or emotionally abusive towards you.

I trust this information helps you get a better perspective on yourself, your own anger and on situations that cause you to become angry.

Parenting Techniques - Stop shouting!

Behavioural Techniques to change children's behaviour:

1. “Whisper Technique“- Mystify your child by whispering a request or command to them rather than shouting. We learn at an early age that anything that is being whispered MUST be something secretive worth listening to.

Therefore, your child is more apt to pay attention to a whisper rather than to shouting, AGAIN. We respond to behavioural conditioning. If we are given the same stimulus ie, shouting over and over, then we desensitise and eventually, extinguish any response to it.

This is why our children just continue going about their business unabated, even if we are shouting at them. Our shouting just becomes “background noise”.

Whispering, however, would be a novel stimulus and more likely to get their attention. It will also set a calmer atmosphere than the shouting stimulus and may lead to a more peaceful home environment.

2. “Chore Charts” – If many of the arguments in the home are about household chores and perceived inequalities in workload, it can really help to post a simple chore chart in a prominent area where everyone will see it every day.

Be sure to allocate tasks equally and don't forget to put down what the parents are responsible for, because the older children get, the more observant they are as to what the parents are doing to contribute to house work.

It's also important to rotate the less desirable jobs, so that no one “always gets stuck with the worst job” e.g. taking out thetrash or like cleaning out the litter box.

3. Token Economy System- If behavioural issues are a major problem for certain children, then you may create a weekly or monthly calendar or chart that shows how behaviours are progressing through the week.

Establish specific target behaviours with your child, which would include undesirable behaviours and also what behaviors might be rewarded.

Make a list of the behaviours that can gain positive points and the behaviours that would accrue negative points. Make certain the points are weighted appropriately.

Par example; taking the garbage out or cleaning a room might gain 1 or two points. Not putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket might be minus 1 but pinching a sibling might be minus 2 or minus 3. Punching a hole in the wall would be minus 5, etc.

Everyone must know what the “rules” are and all caregivers in the home must agree on the point system for it to be reinforced and to work well.

At the end of the week you tally up all the points and see what the results are. You then must have a reward system that all again agree upon, so as to appropriate rewards (bonuses such as a friend sleepover, movie, ice cream, allowance, or extra television or computer time, etc.) versus punishments (less TV or computer time, less allowance than usual, etc).

Good luck!

Parenting Skills: Trust Issues in Children

Researchers examining 'trust' issues in children conducted a study whereby children were shown a video of a ficticious game called 'daxing'. In the video shown to the children, either a boy or a man argued over the correct way to 'dax'.

The child was then asked to play the game 'dax', and the method they chose to use was recorded. Children were also shown a puppet, who interjected and said it was his time to 'dax'.

The Puppet's role
I find the inclusion of a puppet very interesting in this study. I believe that the puppet here represented a non-threatening neutral or objective character, neither adult nor peer and therefore exerted little or no social pressure on the child.

It had no established role, except that of an object that had a social status equal to, or lower than the child and therefore, can easily be addressed and controlled by the child. Perhaps moreso than his peers, perhaps not, but I digress.

To return to the study, the puppet performed 'daxing' either in the way the boy in the film or the man in the film did it, and the children's reactions were recorded.

Results
The researchers found that the children imitated the adult's method of 'daxing' significantly more often than they imitated the boy's method.

Children were also more likely to intervene when the puppet performed 'daxing' using the boy's method, protesting that the puppet was 'daxing' wrongly.

Lessons Learned
The results from the study suggest that children prefer to learn from adults rather than other children when it comes to rule-governed activities like learning a new game.

They also expect other people (the puppet) to learn and perform actions in the way that the adults have defined. This is demonstrated by the expectation that the puppet would also follow the adult's actions and not the boy's and consequent protests if it did not.

Social Norms
These findings tell us many things. Firstly, that young children will more readily accept adult's instructions and behaviour as being right, in normal circumstances and that adults' behaviour should be copied and followed or repeated, accordingly. Certainly, if the other choice is to listen to or comply with their peers or, heaven forbid, a puppet (other people).

This has wide spread implications for social learning of both good, bad and corrective guidance and behaviour in children and adults, especially for parents. The basic expectations of the children are that their parents are the leaders, good role models and positive examples to be trusted, obeyed and followed.

For more information on the study click on the link to the British Psychological Society (BPS)

Japanese baby-bot with runny nose: To teach parenting skills

It giggles and wiggles its feet when you shake its rattle, but it will get cranky and cry from too much tickling: Meet Yotaro, a Japanese robot programmed to be as fickle as a real baby.


The cuddly baby-bot looks unearthly with a pair of luminous blue eyes and oversized cheeks, but engineering students are hoping it will teach young people the pleasures of parenting as Japan faces a demographic crisis.

"Yotaro is a robot with which you can experience physical contact just like with a real baby and reproduce the same feelings," said Hiroki Kunimura of Tsukuba University's robotics and behavioral sciences lab north of Tokyo.

Yotaro's face, made of soft translucent silicon with a rosy hue, is backlit by a projector connected to a computer to simulate crying, sneezing, sleeping and smiling, while a speaker can let out bursts of baby giggles.

The baby changes its facial expressions and moves its arms and legs when different parts of its face and body are touched. Physical contact is detected by sensors, and Yotaro's mood changes based on the frequency of touches.

Yotaro also simulates a runny nose, with the help of a water pump that releases body-temperature droplets of water through the nostrils.

While the baby robot has a balloon-sized head and exaggerated facial features, its inventors nonetheless hope "Yotaro could help young parents to learn about raising a baby," said research team member Masatada Muramoto.

"We came up with the idea of a baby robot because we wanted to reproduce a human being's warmth and skin colour," said Kunimura.

Hmm! Not sure if this is the way to secure the future of childbirth and the human species or at least, I'm not sure I want to be a part of it, if it does. What do you think?