Parenting Skills: Positive Reframing

Positive reframing can shore up children’s confidence as well. Credit: iStock

Leo Kanner, author of the first textbook on child psychiatry, used to tell anecdotes about two mothers he knew.

One complained that her sons would spread the Sunday comics on the living room floor to read them.

The other, whose sons had done the same thing as children, said it was one of her fondest memories.

He used to argue that the second mother was the better parent, because she had a more positive attitude.

But what was behind that positive attitude?

Perhaps the mother was thinking about how her children were honing their reading skills. Or, how they were sharing both comics and floor space without fighting.

In other words, she was most likely engaging in what we now call positive reframing, the practice of either focusing on the positive aspects of a bothersome situation or just looking at it differently.

Positive reframing helps us see our children, and our children see themselves in a more favourable light.

If this approach is applied to how we view children, the technique can prevent us from overreacting.

Adolescents
When an adolescent does all those adolescent things, such as leaving her room a mess and spending too much time texting, we can take refuge in the knowledge that by challenging authority and connecting with friends, she is working through an important developmental stage.

Positive reframing can help us understand children from different cultures, too.

For example, Native American students often resist participating in competitive learning games such as spelling bees, causing some teachers to see them as disengaged.

However, when the students' resistance is understood as an expression of a cultural bias toward cooperation over competition, the teacher can see strength in it.

Overcoming Aversions
Applied to helping kids interpret their own behaviour, positive reframing can foster growth. It can help overcome aversions, as it did for one young boy who hated bath time.

Knowing he enjoyed war play, his mother got him to see the bath as a place to enact sea battles, bringing in toy ships and using bubble bath to simulate foamy waves.

The mother of a reluctant eater presented broccoli as "dino trees"—which her "brontosaurus" son would then devour.

Fighting Sleep
A couple with a daughter who resisted going to sleep because her room was dark and scary held a dance party in the dark, after which she associated being in the dark with having a good time.

Positive reframing can shore up children's confidence as well.

On the last play of an important ball game, the right fielder on a children's team I coached, dropped a line-drive fly ball (???), which allowed our opponents to score the winning run.

When the boy came to me distraught, I shared what the pitcher had told me, that his last pitch was too easy to hit, resulting in a hard-to-catch line drive.

I also reminded the boy that before the game, I had denied him time in the outfield to practice 'shagging fly balls.'(???)

He went from thinking he had blown the game to understanding that several factors had contributed to our team's loss.

Finally
Even some of the toughest behaviour problems often respond to positive reframing. For instance, when a first-grader made a beeline for the coloured pencils by walking on chairs and desktops, his teacher said, "That's a great idea to use coloured pencils for your journal and you got them all by yourself."

She went on to suggest that in the future, he keep his feet on the floor, which he agreed to do.

Another teacher, faced with a student, James, who suddenly jumped up from a class meeting and started to dance, turned to his classmates and said matter-of-factly, "James likes to dance." James responded by sitting down and rejoining the meeting.

The developmental psychologist Jerome Bruner praises the unflappable Head Start teacher who, while reading "Little Red Riding Hood" to her young students, was stopped short at the famous lines "All the better to eat you!" line.

At this point, one little boy leapt to his feet, furious, and began cursing the wolf, swearing like a sailor. The teacher simply reflected to herself on how much meaning the boy was finding in the story and then asked him how he would have written it differently. The question got him thinking and quieted him down.

We might try to emulate that teacher's self-possession and know-how the next time a kid's shenanigans drive us to salty language ourselves.

Remember, looking on the bright side is for anyone who wants to help children develop while preserving their own sanity.

10 Things Your Dog Can Teach Your Child and You - Cesar Milan

A balanced pup or dog can teach a child so much more than how to properly care for an animal and be confident in their lives.

But first you, the Parent, have to create and maintain the balance in the dog and in the child.

You can be loving and friendly but you are NOT a 'friend' of the dog or the child and you should behave accordingly.

They will find and develop their own friendships separate from you and it is important that they do so.

You have a primary responsibility to be the Parent to the child and the Packleader to the dog, focus on those tasks, take them seriously and all will benefit.

Studies have found that a pet encourages a child's physical, social, emotional, and cognitive development.

Children who have pets are more likely to have higher self-esteem, develop better social skills, and even have more friends but do not discount your role in this relationship. It is pivotal.

Here are just a few of the lessons that Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer, suggests your dog can impart to your child.

Love and Loyalty
There are few (if any!) species on earth that boast the devotion that comes naturally to a dog. Coming home to that happy face and wagging tail every day without fail can help your child develop confidence and self-esteem.

Exercise
Dogs provide a wealth of opportunities for your child to get active — joining for the walk, romping around the backyard, or playing a game of fetch.

They also serve as an example of why exercise is so important. Dogs need regular physical activity to stay emotionally and mentally balanced — that's true for humans, too.

The Importance of Family
Dogs are naturally pack animals, and research shows that they bring out that instinct in humans, too. Families spend more time interacting after getting a pet.

Use your dog as an opportunity to connect as a parent. Get the whole pack out for walks, playtime, and involve them in the care and grooming.

A dog is not just another toy to be picked up and put away when your child claims they are bored. A dog is a commitment for the child, as the child is to you as a parent! There is a vital life lesson right there.

Reading
If you can't help your child practice reading because you have to cook dinner? No problem! Your dog can take over for awhile.

Research shows that he may actually do a better job than you anyway, particularly if your child is struggling. Why? Children are more relaxed, likely because a dog is a nonjudgmental audience.

Recent research claims that children with reading and learning difficulties such as Dyslexia, benefit greatly when they practice in front of their dog.

Patience and Compassion
A dog isn't capable of all the things that humans are, and as your dog ages, she will require special care and attention.

Understanding those differences can help your child learn to be patient and compassionate with those who suffer from disabilities, the elderly, and younger children.

Communication
Reading your dog's body language can help your child pick up on non-verbal communication between humans, too.

You can encourage this by taking the time to teach your child about common cues. It's beneficial for his safety around other dogs, too.

Socialisation
One study asked children what advice they had for kids who had trouble making friends. Their answer? Get a pet!

Dogs encourage your child to put their communication skills to use. Since dogs serve as an easy icebreaker and a shared interest, it makes meeting new friends easier.

Trust
If your child has trouble opening up to you, he may still feel comfortable talking to his dog, providing a safe outlet for private thoughts and secrets. The trust he builds with his dog can help him eventually learn to open up to others, too.

Responsibility
The more your child is involved in the care of your animal, the more she'll learn about responsibility. Let your child take the lead on providing for your dog's basic needs (with your supervision, of course).

Silliness
Sure, dogs help teach responsibility, but more importantly, they also serve as a reminder to let loose, have some fun, and live in the moment!

There are few things more fun (and mood-boosting) than acting nutty and carefree with your pup.

Clearly these lessons are valuable for parents, too.

It's all too easy in this busy day-and-age to lose sight of what's really important. Take a moment to thank your pup for imparting these important life lessons to your pack — and for bringing you all back to the here and now.

Preschoolers who stutter do just fine emotionally and socially

Stuttering may be more common than previously thought, but preschool stutterers fair better than first thought, a study by The University of Melbourne, Murdoch Childrens Research Institute and The University of Sydney has found.

A study of over 1600 children, which followed the children from infancy to four years old, found the cumulative incidence of stuttering by four years old was 11 per cent, more than twice what has previously been reported.

However, the study refutes the long held view that suggests developmental stuttering is associated with a range of poorer outcomes in the preschool period.

Interestingly, the study found the reverse was true, with stuttering associated with better language development, non-verbal skills with no identifiable effect on the child's mental health or temperament at four years old.

Surprisingly, researchers found that recovery from stuttering was low, 6.3 per cent, 12 months after onset.

Rates of recovery were higher in boys than girls, and in those who did not repeat whole words at onset than those who did. The study boys were more likely to develop stuttering.

Sheena Reilly

Lead researcher, Professor Sheena Reilly said parents could be happy in knowing that they can take a 'watch and wait' approach to their child's stuttering and it won't be causing harm to their child's language skills or social and emotional development.

"Current best practice recommends waiting for 12 months before commencing treatment, unless the child is distressed, there is parental concern, or the child becomes reluctant to communicate. It may be that for many children treatment could be deferred slightly further," she said.

"Treatment is effective but is intensive and expensive, this watchful recommendation would therefore help target allocation of scarce resources to the small number of children who do not resolve and experience adverse outcomes, secure in the knowledge that delaying treatment for a year or slightly longer has been shown not to compromise treatment efficacy."

Due to the low rates of recovery in the study, researchers were unable to determine what predicts which kids will recover from stuttering, but say this will be the focus of research moving forward.

The study was published in Pediatrics.

ADHD: Medication addresses the condition not Motivation

"I take ADHD medication, and it has helped me focus at work and at home but it hasn’t helped with my motivation. I still don’t want to clean up or get organised. Why don’t meds for attention deficit improve my motivation?" 

Lots of people ask this question but believe me, it sounds as if your medication is doing what it should do -- improving your focus and your attention to detail, making things easier to remember, and making you more aware of time.

However, medication doesn’t necessarily improve your motivation, especially for doing the tasks that you describe. But don't be alarmed. Self motivation can be learned.

Chores such as this will probably never be fun. However, if medication makes it easier for you to consider doing a task, and to stay focused while you are working, you may find that, over time, you will become motivated to do things.

It will become a matter of developing a more positive mindset to tackle challenges instead of avoiding them.

Of course you can sit around waiting for that to happen, which I don't recommend. Better if you can take some positive steps to get support to increase your motivation.

There are numerous self-help books, motivational coaches and psychologists who dedicate their lives to supporting people with motivation issues.

In most cases it's not the task itself, it's getting 'started.' It may help to ask someone to get you started and then you can carry on regardless.

Make a written list or plan of chores and tackle them one at a time. After you have completed one give yourself a small reward; a cup of coffee and a biscuit, will suffice.

Mundane chores, like cleaning up, are generally boring for everyone, but you will feel accomplished when you have made the effort. 

You will be able to appreciate the benefit of doing it and see yourself as capable of accomplishing it. This will lift your confidence.

The feel-good thoughts you get will increase your confidence and willingness to perform other mundane chores and tackle other issues you normally avoid but never be afraid to ask someone for help, even if it's only to get you started.

Medication may be only half the solution, a more positive mindset is the other half and you need them both.

Work on your motivation by seeking support from online articles, books, family, trained experts or medical psychologists. They are waiting and wanting to help and support you.

How to Face Bullying with Confidence

Unfortunately, bullying is a major problem in many schools and communities. Bullying prevention skills can protect kids from most bullying, increase their confidence, and help them to develop positive peer relationships. Here are some practices you can work on with the young people in your life now.

1. Walking with Awareness, Calm, Respect, and Confidence

People are less likely to be picked on if they walk and sit with awareness, calm, respect, and confidence.

Projecting a positive, assertive attitude means keeping one’s head up, back straight, walking briskly, looking around, having a peaceful face and body, and moving away from people who might cause trouble.

Show your child the difference between being passive, aggressive, and assertive in body language, tone of voice and choice of words.

Have your child walk across the floor, coaching her or him to be successful, by saying for example; “That’s great!” “Now take bigger steps”, “Look around you” “Straighten your back.” etc.

2. Leaving in a Powerful, Positive Way

The best self-defense tactic is called “target denial,” which means “don’t be there.” Act out a scenario where maybe your child is walking in the school corridor (or any other place where he or she might bullied).

You can pretend to be a bully standing by the wall saying mean things. Ask your child what these mean things might be because what is considered insulting or upsetting is different for different people, times, and places.

Coach your child to veer around the bully in order to move out of reach. Remind your child to leave with awareness, calm and confidence, glancing back to see where the bully is.

Let your child practicing saying something neutral in a normal tone of voice like “See you later!” or “Have a nice day!” while calmly and confidently moving away. Point out that stepping out of line or changing seats is often the safest choice.

3. Setting a Boundary

If a bully is following or threatening your child in a situation where she or he cannot just leave, your child needs to be able to set a clear boundary.

Pretend to poke your child in the back (do this very gently; the idea is not to be hurtful). Coach your child to turn, stand up tall, put his or her hands up in front of the body like a fence, palms out and open, and say “Stop!”.

Coach your child to have a calm but clear voice and polite firm words- not whiney and not aggressive. Show how to do it and praise your child for trying -even though she or he does not get it right to begin with.

Realize that this might be very hard and triggering for your child (and maybe for you too).

Children need support to learn these skills. The idea is that your child takes charge of his or her space by moving away and, if need be, setting boundaries as soon as a problem is about to start – so that your child doesn’t wait until the bullying is already happening.

4. Using Your Voice

If your child does get into a situation where somebody is trying to push or hit or knuckle her or his head, you could practice by holding your child gently and acting as if you are going to do the action gently.

Coach your child to pull away and yell NO! really loudly. Coach him or her to say “STOP! I don’t like that!”

Coach your child to look the bully in the eyes and speak in a firm voice with both hands up and in front like a fence. Teach your child to leave and go to an adult for help.

5. Protecting Your Feelings From Name-Calling

Schools, youth groups, and families should create harassment-free zones just as workplaces should.

However, you can teach children how to protect themselves from insults. Tell your child that saying something mean back makes the problem bigger, not better.

One way to take the power out of hurting words by is saying them out loud and imagining throwing them away. Doing this physically and out loud at home will help a child to do this in his or her imagination at school.

Help your child practice throwing the mean things that other people are saying into a trash can. Have your child then say something positive out loud to himself or herself to take in.

For example, if someone says, “I don’t like you, ” you can throw those words away and say, “I like myself.”

If someone says, “You are stupid” you can throw those words away and say, “I’m smart.” If someone says, “I don’t want to play with you” then you can throw those words away and say, “I will find another friend.”

6. Speaking Up for Inclusion

Being left out is a major form of bullying. Exclusion should be clearly against the rules at school. A child can practice persisting in asking to join a game.

Pretend to be a bully who wants to exclude.

Have your child walk up and say, “I want to play.” Coach your child to sound and look positive and friendly, not whiny or aggressive.

Ask your child the reasons that kids give for excluding him or her. Use those reasons so your child can practice persisting.

For example, if the reason is, “You’re not good enough,” your child can practice saying “I’ll get better if I practice!”

• If the reason is, “There are too many already,” your child might practice saying, “There’s always room for one more.” 
• If the reason is, “You cheated last time,” your child might practice saying, “I did not understand the rules. Let’s make sure we agree on the rules this time.”

7. Being Persistent in Getting Help

Children who are being bullied need to be able to tell teachers, parents, and other adults in charge what is happening in the moment clearly and calmly and persistently even if these adults are very distracted or rude – and even if asking for help has not worked before. Learning how to have polite firm words, body language and tone of voice even under pressure and to not give up when asking for help is a life-long skill.

We have found that practice is helpful for both children and adults in learning how to persist and get help when you need it. Here is one you can do with your child.

Pretend to be a teacher or someone else who your child might expect help and support from. Tell your child who you are pretending to be and where you might be at school. Have your child start saying in a clear calm voice, “Excuse me I have a safety problem.”

You pretend to be busy and just ignore your child! Coach him or her to keep going and say: “Excuse me, I really need your help.”

Act irritated and impatient and say, “Yes. what is it now?” and keep being busy.

Coach your child to say something specific like, “The girls over there are calling me names and not letting me play with them. I have told them I don’t like being called names and that I want to play but they won’t listen. ” or “Those boys keep coming up and pushing me. I have tried to stay away from them but they keep coming up to me and won’t leave me alone.” At school, teachers want children to try to solve their problems first. However, adult intervention is needed if this does not work.

You say: “That’s nice!” as if you heard but did not actually listen. This is very common for busy adults.

Coach your child to touch your arm and keep going “Please, to listen to me this is important”. Now you get irritated and say “Can’t you see I’m busy!?”

Tell your child that sometimes adults get angry and don’t understand but not to give up in asking for help and to say the specific problem again: “I do not feel safe here because (state specific problem again) ______________.”

You minimize and say: “What’s the big deal? Just stay away from them.”

Coach your child to persistent and say again, “Having this happen is making me feel bad about going to school. Please, I really need you to listen.”

Now change your demeanor so that your child can see you are listening and understanding and say “Oh! I am sorry I yelled at you and I am glad you are telling me. Tell me more and we will figure out what to do.”

Remind your child that, if the adult still does not listen, it is not his or her fault, but to keep asking until someone does something to fix the problem.

Tell your child to please always tell you whenever she or he has a problem with anyone anywhere anytime.

Ultimately, it is the responsibility of adults to create safe environments for the children in their lives and to be good role-models for our children by acting as their advocates in powerful respectful ways.

8. Using Physical Self-Defense as a Last Resort

Children need to know when they have the right to hurt someone to stop that person from hurting them. At Kidpower, we teach that fighting is a last resort – when you are about to be harmed and you cannot leave or get help.

However, bullying problems are often not as clear-cut as other personal safety issues. Families have different rules about where they draw the line. Schools will often punish a child who fights back unless parents warn the school in writing ahead of time that, since the school has not protected their children, they will back their children up if they have to fight.

Learning physical self defense helps most children become more confident, even if they never have to use these skills in a real-life situation. Just being more confident helps children to avoid being chosen as a victim most of the time.

There are different self defense techniques for bullying than for more dangerous situations — let your child practice a self defense move like kicking someone in the shins, pinching someone’s leg or upper arm, or hitting someone in the chest.

You can practice in the air or by holding a sofa cushion. Consider sending your child to a class

Student overcomes challenges with dyslexia to excel in art

Lizzie Snell, senior in fine arts, was in third grade when she was diagnosed with dyslexia. It was, for the longest time, a source of embarrassment for her.

The fear of being different was often a burden too heavy to bear, and Snell said she often worried about being made fun of as a child.

“When I was younger, I always kept it to myself because I thought people would treat me differently,” she said. “I didn’t even tell my best friends about it.”

Snell is one of the millions of Americans who have been diagnosed with dyslexia. The condition, which was originally documented as “word blindness,” affects an estimated 15 percent of the U.S. population, according to a February 4 article in the New York Times by Annie Murphy Paul.

The National Center for Learning Disabilities defines dyslexia as a “language processing disorder” which can “hinder reading, writing, spelling, and sometimes even speaking.” NCLD experts also state on their website that the neurological disorder causes the brain to “process and interpret information differently.”

“The way I think of it, is it makes it harder for me to retain information,” Snell said. “I’m capable of doing things like math and reading, I just have to work like 10 times harder to get there.”

Snell’s mother, Kerri, said that despite the challenges she faced, she never held Snell to a different standard than her other three kids.

“We always expected each of our four kids to do their very best,” Kerri said. “Lizzie always worked 100 times harder than her siblings did on school work. I never lowered my expectations for Lizzie.”

Dyslexia: Learning Difficulties examined

Learning difficulty, although sometimes called a learning disorder or learning disability, is a classification that includes several disorders, in which a person has difficulty learning in an expected or typical manner.

Learning difficulties;

• are rarely simple, there is normally additional complexity associated with the condition,
• can be isolating and reduces confidence and self esteem,
• can make life problematic for a person to learn as quickly or, more relevantly, in the same way, as others.
• are not indicative of cognition or intelligence level, only indicative of the need for alternative ways in which to learn.
• cannot be 'fixed' or 'cured', only managed,
• make people face unique challenges that last their entire lifetime.

Interventions may be used to help the individual learn or develop strategies that will foster their future success.

The causes of learning difficulties are not always well understood and not always apparent but selectively, some are;

• Common Causes of Learning Difficulties
• How Psychotherapy Can Help with Learning Difficulties
• Learning Difficulties in the DSM

Common Causes of Learning Difficulties
Learning difficulties range from mild, through varying degrees of complexity, to severe but, given support and understanding, people with learning difficulties can and do, lead very normal lives.

Many people with learning difficulties go on to hold very intellectually demanding positions and function at a very high level in our progressive societies.

Some causes of neurological impairments include:

• Accident in baby or childhood - may be caused by malnutrition, head injury or toxic exposure

• Heredity or Genetics - Certain conditions may run in the family

• Poverty - may be a result of a lack of parental reinforcement or affordability of support from specific medical or academic sources

• Problems during pregnancy and/or birth - may result from fetal exposure to alcohol or drugs, oxygen deprivation, anomalies developed in the brain, low birth weight, injury or illness or premature or prolonged labour

One major factor for many people who face learning difficulties is that they are unable to express their feelings easily in words and their actions may have to speak for them.

Their behaviour and moods may change and their inability to express themselves may result in depression, sadness, anxiety and other mental health issues, which are generally treated separately from the underlying condition.

A more 'holistic' view is always more beneficial to the management of your health and welfare and is particularly important in managing learning difficulties.

Can Psychotherapy Help with Learning Difficulties
A diagnosis of any learning difficulty may be potentially devastating to a person and their family.

Both the person who faces learning difficulties and their family members will need to learn coping skills for the difficulty as well as emotionally.

Stress associated with learning difficulties can accumulate which may make the coping process even more difficult and the selection of coping strategies inappropriate.

Learning difficulties are most often present over an entire lifetime, so learning effective and appropriate methods of coping are essential to successful management.

Psychotherapy and the teaching of behavioural strategies or techniques, often work best for individuals who struggle with learning difficulties.

For children, play therapy may be helpful if the therapist uses it to teach interaction techniques. Children and adults may also do well in therapy and most will benefit from joining a mutual support group.

Three Messages You Should Never Give to Kids about Anxiety

Kids don’t generally develop anxiety disorders all on their own. Oh sure, genes and biology have some influence, but these factors largely just predispose kids in the direction of acquiring problems with anxiety.

The wrong messages can push both anxiously disposed kids as well as otherwise normal kids in the direction of struggling with anxiety for the rest of their lives.

If you’re a parent or someone who cares about kids, you just might want to know what type of messages instill insecurity.

Let's start by laying out three common mistakes that parents make; in other words, the kinds of messages you “don’t” want to give them:

1. Invalidating or Denying Your Children’s Feelings. If your kids seem worried, fearful, upset, or distraught, sometimes it’s tempting to tell them “there’s no reason that they should feel that way” or even that they “shouldn’t” be feeling what they are obviously feeling. Parents give these messages because they don’t want their kids to feel distress. So, they reason that their kids will understand, if their bad feelings have no real basis, they won’t feel the way they do. Big mistake. Children need to hear that it’s normal and OK to have a little fear or distress sometimes.
2. Providing Incessant Reassurance. Messages that “everything will turn out OK” sound so very much like what you should tell kids, and if you don’t say them too often, there’ll probably be no problem. However, when you frequently reassure your kids, you end up giving them the message that they need to turn to you (as an adult or parent) to help them see that things will turn out alright. They fail to learn that they can get through fear on their own. 
3. Protecting Your Kids from All Harm. No one ever wants to see a child in harm’s way. However, growing, developing and learning require kids to face challenges and even take a few small risks along the way. Parents that try to constantly clear all dangers and risks that their kids confront teach them that the world is a scary place and that they need their parents to guide them through it. That message hardly fosters the independence and maturity they’ll need as adolescents and young adults.

So what’s a parent to do instead? One of the best ways to help prevent kids from developing anxiety disorders is to model how to cope.

I recommend that parents express when they’re feeling anxious and tell their kids how they plan to cope with it. For example, you might say, “Sometimes I feel nervous when I have to climb a ladder, but I just need to take a deep breath, be careful, and do it.

If I get too nervous, I can always climb back down, but it feels good to get through difficult tasks.”

Another good strategy is for parents to praise their kids when they make efforts to do things that are a little anxiety arousing for them.

The bottom line: Gently encourage your kids to confront their fears, let them know that a little anxiety is normal, and don’t try to keep them away from all challenges and risks.

Education and Dyslexia: The Unicorn School

In 2008 The Unicorn School moved to beautiful new premises in Abingdon. Over the years we have nurtured the development of hundreds of children and many keep in touch and tell us of their great achievements.

We measure our success by the children’s positive feedback and the excellent testimonials received from their parents. We have also had some excellent Ofsted and CReSteD reports; in February 2012 Ofsted stated that "The Unicorn School Provides an outstanding quality of education which fully meets its stated aim."

We believe our approach is the correct approach to bring results. Multi-sensory “hands-on” teaching, in very small classes, encourages our children to use all their senses to learn and makes learning fun along the way.

All the members of the school community – pupils, teachers, parents and governors - provide support for one another.

The family atmosphere enables the children to overcome their difficulties and explore their many talents.

They are encouraged to express themselves confidently and take an active role in decision making within the school.

Dyslexia: Teaching Strategies to help Children

There are numerous techniques for teaching dyslexic children. Not all dyslexic children will respond to the same techniques, so it is important to work out what will work with each particular child. Presented here are some of the techniques you could try.

Start with the Child
Dyslexic learners may often have ‘failed’ and it is very important to start by talking to and listening to your pupil. This

• Lets you get to know the pupil as a person and get to know their interests
• allows the pupil to get to know you
• builds up trust and confidence
• helps you to assess oral ability

Learners need to feel confident to ‘have a go’ and often a dyslexic’s self esteem can be low because of previous failure. When trust is established it is much easier to find out the best way to help and support.

Try to use a range of resources and approaches which will ensure success early on which will motivate the student to learn more and to be more confident in his/her ability to learn.

What material should I use?
There are numerous programmes, teaching aids, software packages etc that you can use with students. Whichever you choose, if you are positive about it then the pupil’s confidence is improved there is a far greater chance of success.

Tuition should be multi-sensory involving looking, listening, speaking, touching etc with as much variation as possible but we are all unique and it is good to observe whether the child/adult is predominantly a

VISUAL LEARNER (learns best by seeing)

AUDITORY LEARNING (learns best by listening)

KINESTHETIC LEARNER (learns by doing/feeling)

The following are just a few tips that can be useful for any type of learner. However, the more you get to know your pupil the more you will work together to find the best individual tips.

Visual Learners

• Use pictures and multi-media material
• Stick spelling words anywhere in view
• Look at pictures in a book before reading
• Play games eg ‘pairs’ to improve memory
• Draw mind maps
• Use different colour eg syllables in words
• Use good visual software programmes
• Have an uncluttered work area

Auditory Learners

• Talk about the book to be read or the information to be learned
• Make sure instructions are orally clear
• Get the student to record the information so it can be listened to again
• Use software which has good auditory input.

Kinesthetic Learners

• Trace letters in sand or in the air
• Use concrete objects which can be handled eg wooden letters, numbers etc
• Memorise facts while moving about

Tips for Numbers Work

• Talk about numbers eg TV channels, dates, house numbers
• Count eg climbing stairs, skipping, etc
• Handle real coins
• Discuss time – day/night, early/late
• Sequence days, months, birthdays
• Use board games, dominoes, dice
• Use maths words eg how many, the same
• Discuss symbols and signs
• It is very important for a dyslexic to feel confident using a calculator.

Good organisation needs to be encouraged as dyslexics often jump to the answer. They need to be taught how to set down ‘working’.

Tips for Written Work

• use lined paper
• use spell checker
• use word bank
• cloze procedure (handouts with blanks)
• use Co-writer or Texthelp (if available)
• whenever possible give praise for content

Tips for Reading

• limit reading demands
• ensure appropriate reading level/material
• paired reading
• prepare a subject word list
• if the child has Meares Irlen Syndrome use coloured overlays/glasses
• try out computer software eg wordshark
• listen to taped books

Classroom Assistants
The classroom assistant can be

• crucial in helping a pupil achieve success
• of important help to the class teacher

The classroom assistant often knows a pupil far better than most of the other staff in the school because of the close daily contact in a variety of situations. The assistant can

• break down instructions and tasks
• keep a pupil on task
• organise work materials
• read and/or scribe
• note down homework
• help with practical tasks

For a dyslexic this support is invaluable.

The classroom assistant can sometimes help the class teacher to prepare individual work material. In addition the assistant can let the class teacher know

• which tasks are causing difficulty
• where the pupil’s strengths lie
• if homework is causing excessive stress
• if there are problems relating to peers

Difficulties with processing information mean that lack of time is often a problem for a dyslexic child.

He/she will feel a failure if work is consistently left incomplete.

The individual support of a classroom assistant can allow a pupil to finish a task before moving on.

For more information visit the www.dyslexiasw.com/ website: 

Homework: The Do's and Don'ts cont'd

In September we posted a piece on helping your children with their Homework. Here is more useful information on that task.

Parenting: When does Discipline Begin?

To read more of this article click on the link to the Newsletter here

Confidence Building in Dyslexic Children

The following exercise has a beneficial effect on children with low self esteem, and should be carried out by a parent, or a teacher, together with the child, on a one-to-one basis (never in a group).

Explain to the child what you are doing and that it is not a 'test', you are simply going to show them how clever they really are.

Take a sheet of paper and make two columns: in one column put ‘Things I am good at’ and in the other ‘Things that I am not so good at’

• Things that I am good at
• Things that I am not so good at

Take about five or ten minutes to discuss with the child all the things that the child is successful with and write them down on the paper.

These will include such skills as swimming, sports, caring for pets, making a collection, dancing, drama, singing, art, painting, drawing, and so on.

In the ‘Not so good’ column let the child tell you the things like spelling and writing that he really finds hard. The list will look something like this, depending of course on each child’s interests:

• Things that I am good at
  • swimming
  • diving
  • looking after my pet
    
  • drawing
  • painting
  • collecting stamps
  • getting on well with other children
  • clearing the table
  • making people laugh
  • being friendly to grandparents
  • knowing about space, the planets and dinosaurs
    
  • etc.
  
  
• Things that I am not so good at
  • spelling
  • reading
  • writing
  • arithmetic or maths

The evidence is staring the child in the face: there are far more things that he is good at than things he has difficulties with. He can’t possibly be stupid. He is clearly a successful person.

Clearly, there will be some resistance. He may say that the things he is weak at are the things that matter in life. If you can’t spell, how can you pass exams and get a job?

At this point you have to discuss and expand the argument with your child. Ask them; ‘What do you value in people – because they are good at spelling? Unlikely.

We value people for all sorts of qualities, especially their ability to be friendly, get on with you, consider your needs, think of other people before themselves and so on.

It’s up to you to keep the discussion going until the child can really begin to see himself in a new light. When they see themselves as a successful person who just happens to have been born with a small difference that sounds like a handicap.

Dyslexia is predominantly a difference in perception, similar to being colour-blind. It’s not something they have control over. It's definitely not their fault and it’s not because they don’t try hard enough, despite what many teachers may have told them.

Seeing themself in a new light can be a major turning point for the child, whatever their age and this new-born self-confidence can lay the foundation and an open-ness or willingness to adopt a new view on learning.

Building Confidence and Self Esteem in Children

Rewarding Good Behaviour
Knowing how to build self-esteem in schildren is an important skill for all parents and teachers. Bolstering self-confidence in students who have learning disabilities (LD) is even more critical.

There are a wide array of parenting, coaching strategies and behaviour management tools to build self-esteem in children. One of the most succesful is 'positive re-enforcement', rewarding good behaviour with treats or simple fun objects i.e. providing rewards for completing quality work and for making wise social choices.

Rather than providing food or other tangible rewards, you will find that social reinforcers and recognition, such as acknowledging effort. Giving a special 'Well Done!' or granting a special privilege, are far more powerful and important to the students than treats.

Try hard to catch your children in the act of being good. If you remember nothing else, remember to try to acknowledge students for good effort, academic progress, and good choices as frequently as you can.

Providing Information
For older children, ones at middle school and high school students, you can tell them a bit more about how their brain works. As kids grow, their brains develop and allow them to understand more complex instruction. This helps them succeed with learning in areas they may have struggled with at a younger age.

Take time to explain the true meaning of "learning disabilities" to prevent kids from thinking of themselves as "dumb" or "stupid." If students with LD think they are stupid, they will invariably act stupidly, because they would rather be seen as "bad" than as "dumb."

Building Skills
Many older children are bright, and have already achieved a reasonable level of education, but they may still have a difficulty with reading. Many of them rely on sight reading and have little or no phonics skills.

Some so-called experts will say that you should give up trying to teach phonics after a certain age. However, phonics is such a useful tool to learn and one that leads to improved self-esteem, that persistance should be maintained.

In addition to teaching phonics to older students, show them how to look for what makes sense, using context and inference clues, which they might not have been able to do when they were younger. A simple, but useful, technique to show children is learning how to use the phonetic pronunciation guide in the dictionary. You will be surprised how many say "Why hasn't anyone shown me this before?"

Establishing Relationships
As you continue to develop as a parent and educator, you will come to realise the great importance of the parent-teacher-student relationship, no matter what the age of the student. When you establish a positive relationship with a child or students, they feel trust and look to you as a source of reassurance and information about themselves and the wider world.

Value Uniqueness
Motivation comes from the perception of the possibility of success. Always, or as often as is possible, let your children and students know they are special to you and that they are loved. Let them know that you recognise, appreciate and celebrate their uniqueness. Slowly but surely they will begin to believe success is possible, maybe for the first time in thier life.

Strategies to Build Self-Esteem

• Provide information about the brain and how students learn.
• Build skills - academic and social.
• Reward effort, performance, and good choices.
• Establish positive, trusting relationships with students.
• Value each student's uniqueness.

Further strategies to build self esteem and confidence in children ...........

Self Esteem and Stress Management

Individuals with learning disabilities often struggle with self esteem because of poor academic performance or difficulties with social relationships.

Most parents want to help their children develop self esteem. For the child without special needs it’s a challenge—but for the youngster with extra issues, it can seem like an overwhelming task.

There are some essential facts to keep in mind. Self esteem is not static. It can fluctuate depending on one’s state of mind and circumstances. Parents can only do so much to help their child. After a certain age, a parent’s input, while still crucial, is only part of the confidence equation.

As children age, peer input as well as their ability to accomplish become an important part of how they develop self confidence. Still, it’s our job as parents to try to bolster our kids when they feel low.

Building Self-esteem and confidence

Here are 7 easy tips that will help you build self esteem.

• Be generous with affecion; lots of hugs and kisses.
• Take plenty baby pictures. Everyone wants to see how they looked as a baby. Too often parents of children who look different avoid talking pictures of their kids as babies and as they grow.
• Don’t allow your child’s condition to define him e.g. he’s not an autistic child; he’s a child who suffers from autism.
• Be a compassionate listener and do not be judgemental. Try to understand who your child is and where they are coming from, even if you initially disagree with his or her perception of a situation.
• Use honest, open communication at all times. Kids know when you’re lying and hiding things from them.
• Don’t compare your child unfavourably with other children. Be happy with and focus on, his accomplishments.
• Become aware of your own attitudes of people’s appearances and their limitations. If need be, tone down any negative comments. Parents who make positive and negative comments about other people send the message that physical perfection is important and has a high priority.

Ultimately, it’s important to parents to understand their own feelings about appearance, disability and imperfection, so they can fully accept their child for the wonderful gift he really is.

Click the link below for more articles that provide tips for parents for developing healthy self esteem in their children, as well as resources for ways to talk with kids about learning disabilities.

Full article and additional information here..........