Parenting techniques: Releasing Anger

Shifting YOUR attitude and perceptions so that you can experience more joy and peace in your life.

Here are some techniques for rapidly diminishing anger in any situation:

1. Chi Gong Exercise for Releasing Anger:
Think of an issue that makes you feel angry. Stand with your feet shoulder width apart and your hands at your sides. Tuck in your pelvis and slightly bend your knees, as if you were sitting on an imaginary tall stool behind you.

As you breathe in, slowly bring your hands up at your sides to the level of your shoulders with your arms straight and as you reach the height of your shoulders, turn your palms upward facing the sky.

Then continue to raise your arms, bringing your hands over your head. Make a fist with each hand. While making a loud 'Tchu' or 'Chew' sound, forcefully exhale while rapidly bringing down your arms all the way to thigh level and opening your fists, flinging and releasing the angry energy into the earth.

Feel the tension releasing from your muscles as you perform this manoeuvre. Repeat this motion at least 3 more times or until you feel the anger completely released.

2. Ceremonial Anger Release:
Write down on a piece of paper the issue that is creating anger or resentment for you. This may be in a form of a letter to the person with whom you have the issue or may just be your own angry thoughts that you are feeling.

We present three ways of performing this ceremonial release. You may, of course, create your own ceremony that feels appropriate for you.

• 1) The first ceremony involves tying your note to a helium balloon and releasing the note into the air to be carried away.
• NB: Make certain that you have no identifying information on the note that you have written if you choose to use this method as the balloon will inevitably pop once it reaches a high altitude and your note may return to the earth several miles away. (You do not want your anger returned to you)
• 2) The second ritual involves burying your note in the ground to allow the anger to be released and transformed by the earth.
• 3) The third way of transforming anger is performed by burning your note outside in a ceremonial fire or in a fireplace. 
• NB: Make sure to contain your ceremonial fire in a safe manner; never leave a fire untended, and make certain you have water, sand, or a fire extinguisher to put the fire out when you are finished with your ceremony. (Avoid anger spreading with the fire)

3. The ‘La Cucaracha’ Technique:
If you have to be around a person that you harbour anger towards and you are not yet ready to transform the anger or resentment, then this technique may be helpful to you.

Picture the person as a giant cockroach. Although this may sound a little bizarre, it can really work because a cockroach is completely predictable; it will come out in the dark and runs to hide when the light is on. It is the nature of the creature.

We do not get angry at a cockroach for not coming out when the lights are on because we understand its nature and motivation.

If you think about someone who repeatedly annoys you, their behaviours are also predictable after a while. The circumstances may change but the overall pattern remains stable over time.

Consider that person to be like a cockroach; or, for those of you squeamish about cockroaches, like an ant or another insect.

Now, think of the person you are harbouring anger towards and see them as if they are a giant ant or cockroach wearing human clothes, with their antennae bobbing around on the top of their head and their little insect arms dangling off their sides.

If you picture this image when you are around the person in question, then you will become less fixated on their behaviours and will not take what they say or do seriously or personally.

Sometimes it can help to hum softly under your breath, “La cucaracha, La cucaracha”. The Spanish term for cockroach is ‘cucaracha’.

You will definitely be more relaxed towards the person angering you, your self, and the situation in general if you use this technique.

NB: You should always remove your self from any abusive situation. This would not be an appropriate means of dealing with someone who is physically or emotionally abusive towards you.

I trust this information helps you get a better perspective on yourself, your own anger and on situations that cause you to become angry.

Parenting Techniques - Stop shouting!

Behavioural Techniques to change children's behaviour:

1. “Whisper Technique“- Mystify your child by whispering a request or command to them rather than shouting. We learn at an early age that anything that is being whispered MUST be something secretive worth listening to.

Therefore, your child is more apt to pay attention to a whisper rather than to shouting, AGAIN. We respond to behavioural conditioning. If we are given the same stimulus ie, shouting over and over, then we desensitise and eventually, extinguish any response to it.

This is why our children just continue going about their business unabated, even if we are shouting at them. Our shouting just becomes “background noise”.

Whispering, however, would be a novel stimulus and more likely to get their attention. It will also set a calmer atmosphere than the shouting stimulus and may lead to a more peaceful home environment.

2. “Chore Charts” – If many of the arguments in the home are about household chores and perceived inequalities in workload, it can really help to post a simple chore chart in a prominent area where everyone will see it every day.

Be sure to allocate tasks equally and don't forget to put down what the parents are responsible for, because the older children get, the more observant they are as to what the parents are doing to contribute to house work.

It's also important to rotate the less desirable jobs, so that no one “always gets stuck with the worst job” e.g. taking out thetrash or like cleaning out the litter box.

3. Token Economy System- If behavioural issues are a major problem for certain children, then you may create a weekly or monthly calendar or chart that shows how behaviours are progressing through the week.

Establish specific target behaviours with your child, which would include undesirable behaviours and also what behaviors might be rewarded.

Make a list of the behaviours that can gain positive points and the behaviours that would accrue negative points. Make certain the points are weighted appropriately.

Par example; taking the garbage out or cleaning a room might gain 1 or two points. Not putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket might be minus 1 but pinching a sibling might be minus 2 or minus 3. Punching a hole in the wall would be minus 5, etc.

Everyone must know what the “rules” are and all caregivers in the home must agree on the point system for it to be reinforced and to work well.

At the end of the week you tally up all the points and see what the results are. You then must have a reward system that all again agree upon, so as to appropriate rewards (bonuses such as a friend sleepover, movie, ice cream, allowance, or extra television or computer time, etc.) versus punishments (less TV or computer time, less allowance than usual, etc).

Good luck!

Parents' support is the most important

Researchers reveal that parents' effort is more important for a child's educational attainment than the school's effort, which in turn is more important than the child's own effort.

The study found that the socio-economic background of a family not only affected the child's educational attainment -- it also affected the school's effort.

Researcher Professor De Fraja, who is Head of Economics at the University of Leicester, said: "The main channel through which parental socio-economic background affects achievement is via effort.

"Parents from a more advantaged environment exert more effort, and this influences positively the educational attainment of their children.

"By the same token, the parents' background also increases the school's effort, which increases the school achievement. Why schools work harder where parents are from a more privileged background we do not know.

It might be because middle class parents are more vocal in demanding that the school works hard."

The findings suggest there is a relationship between children's performance and the effort put in by parents in supporting their education.

Saturday Light Humour: 10 Lies Every Parent Should Tell

It's tough being a parent these days. Don't let anyone tell you different. You need to be sharp minded, quick witted and street smart to keep up with these kids.

You need a full toolbox of skills and expertise to get you through the day. One of the best motivational tools we have in our toolbox is the White Lie.

I know what you're saying, 'Isn't that a bad thing to do?' Well maybe, but White Lies are sometimes really motivating, provide quick benefits and are readily available. Why do we need White Lies? Well, because the truth doesn't always produce the a positive outcome.

1. "The tooth fairy called. She said the way you're behaving, you might as well keep the tooth." Parents threaten kids with consequences all the time, but it helps to have a strong third party on call to bring perspective. From Halloween on, throw all your disciplinary needs onto Santa's lap. Outside of that, be creative.


2. "Monsters like to eat dust bunnies. I bet you're going to get lots of monsters in this room." Call it a cleanliness incentive plan but don't leave them alone in the room after. They may never want to go in there again. Offer to stay and help.


3. "Mommy and Daddy aren't fighting; we're rearranging the kitchen." Kids might not buy this one, but in our desire to be right, we jump into fights even if it means exposing our kids to adult conflicts. Need to scream? Get them or yourself out of the house first. Kids feel frustration and anger too, so it's good to show them how to deal with it.


4. "Mommy and Daddy aren't fighting; we're playing leapfrog. On the bed. Without our clothes." In case the makeup sex gets out of hand. Having a good lock on the door is good and making time for yourselves as a 'couple' is even better.


5. "Reading books will make you a millionaire." In today's screen-dominated world, kids must grow up knowing that books, not blogs, will unlock the secrets of their universe. Show them by example and sit with them when they are reading. Make it a 'close', comfortable or cozy thing to do.


6. "Don't worry, sweetie, that can't happen here." Yes, of course it can. Murder, terrorism, earthquakes, etc. they can strike almost anytime, anywhere, especially in the US, but parents must put it into perspective. Balance the bad news trolls with the good news fairies!


7. "I know everything." Before teachers, coaches, and the moody kid down the street get to voice their distorted opinions, parents must establish themselves as a child's go-to encyclopedia for all of life's questions. You don't have to believe that you are the font of all knowledge but your child does. Help them research and investigate questions and use books as well as Google.


8. "That guy is homeless because he didn't eat his vegetables." If you really stretch it, there's science to back this up, given the importance of nutrition to brain health. More important, this lie demonstrates and teaches cause and effect. It gives your child the understanding and power to determine his destiny.


9. "I'm not afraid." Your smile is their Kevlar shield, your hug a proof of love and that everything will be OK if we stick together, share our concerns and work on problems together. No matter how bleak reality might threaten to become, we don't need to face them alone.


10. "This is Mommy's special juice, and it's poison to children." Happy hour is sacred ground and you need to treat yourself to something nice, now and then. Just don't blackout when you're in charge!