Suicide is a Tough Topic that Needs Serious Attention

Please forgive me if this post gives you cause for alarm or disturbs you, It is not my intention but I would like to discuss an emotive subject, suicide, and at the same time provide you with some advise to help family and friends who may be at risk.

Suicide is can be more common amongst people with low level Autism and Aspergers Syndrome, than in the rest of the population. This is possibly due to the isolation created by their reduced Social skills and Social Awkwardness that accompanies Aspergers Syndrome.

If you know someone on this position, it's extremely important to be there, (readily available) for those that are suicidal. It is not always simple and some people say they don’t know how to 'be there'. Here is a list of things you can consider.

• Get involved and stay. Be readily available. Show interest and support
• Don’t be afraid to talk with them about suicide. Talking about it does not make it worse. Be open and direct.
• Ask if he/she is thinking about suicide
• Ask if they have a plan. If so, take them very seriously and move quickly to get them help.
• Remove anything that would help them carry out their plan – drugs, alcohol, knives, etc.
• Don’t bait or tease the suicidal. Never say, “I think you’re bluffing or I don’t believe you.”
• Be willing to listen openly and non-judgmental. Don’t lecture
• Don’t ask for reasons and never ask “why.” It encourages then to look inwards and become defensiveness
• Don’t act shocked or authoritarian
• Don’t be sworn to secrecy. You are not qualified to deal with the situation and you need to get professional support
• Offer hope that there are other options and mood changing alternatives are available

You have to take any threat of suicide seriously. 80% of all the people who have committed suicide have given some kind of warning. Sometimes it's simply a clear expression of intent.

A person who you feel is “high risk” for suicide should never be left alone, if even for a moment. Keep talking to that person, and stay with him or her. A suicidal person needs someone they trust to be close to them, to ground them and be a voice of hope.

Also, be careful not to treat them too differently, as this can make your friendship appear fake and your intentions false. Invite them along to meet your other friends. Encourage them and keep it informal and casual to help them feel more comfortable in social situations.

Be aware that a person who has decided to commit suicide can suddenly become very calm, rational and focussed. This can be mistaken for an improvement in their condition. Whereas, it is actually their acceptance of, what they believe to be the inevitable and their only option is to carry out their suicidal plans.

Above all make them firmly promise to contact you before they act on any self-destructive impulse towards suicide. This may sound like a soft option but it can provide a strong link between you and it could save a life.

Our Belief Window - Hyrum W. Smith

Hyrum W. Smith is the US author of a number of self-motivational management books, one of which is 'What Matters Most.' I have just finished reading it and would like to share with you his view on 'Belief Windows'.

His 'Belief Window' and it's relationship with our basic needs is a very much simpler version of Maslo's Triangle or hierarchy of needs but it is none the less interesting.

4 Basic Needs
In contrast to Maslo, Smith tells us we have 4 basic needs in our lives that should be met.

1. To live - basic survival
2. To Love and be Loved
3. To be Important - status, standing, respect, etc.
4. Variety - Amusement, entertainment, lack of drudgery

Belief Window
He tells us that we have a 'Belief Window' through which we look and perceive our lives. This window on the world contains all our perceptions of the world. It shows us what we think we know. The view from everyone's 'Belief Window' is slightly different. We see the world in different ways, depending on who we are, our upbringing and experiences.

Our Beliefs
Our 'beliefs' are the things that we think, accept or believe are true and by which we live our lives; e.g. I never win at conflict therefore I avoid it, big dogs bite therefore I avoid them, if I don't wear nice clothes people will not like me or think I am not important, if I don't do what people ask of me then they will not love me, to be a good mother I must give up my own needs, etc.

Being a Good Mother
NB - I have to say that the belief system surrounding 'being a good mother' and, to a lesser extent 'being a good father', is a vast area of concern for us and one in which we can face and address many unresolved issues. It is an area that most councillors and therapists make a steady income from.

Exam Beliefs
We need to go discover and exam our own beliefs to determine what they are and why they appear to meet your needs, albeit in the short term. The difficulty comes when some of these beliefs may be helping us with conflict but not be meeting our long term needs. These are the ones we really need to change.

Conflicted
If we feel 'conflicted' or concerned in our daily lives, then it may be that our 'beliefs' are not meeting our 'needs' and we should sit down and examine them, to find the 'source' of this conflict. Of course, this is often easier said and sometimes not so easy to do.

Seek Help
It can be difficult to examine the content of our 'belief windows' on our own but a good coach or therapist can assist and at the same time, be objective. They are well trained in helping us to examine our beliefs and from this thoughtful 'examination' we are able to see where the conflict is and what is needing changed.

Changing
The change itself may be simple once it is revealed but it may also be more complex and we may need some assistance through that change. Change in all things is difficult and needs to be carefully managed to reduce the stress and discomfort of it.

Benefits of Change
We should not be afraid to seek help in working our way through changes in our thinking or in our lives. We will be pleased that we did so. We will reap the long term benefit of resolving conflict in our lives and see life more clearly through our brighter less complicated Belief Window.