Making your child into an Accomplished Liar

A primary rule for parents when dealing with lying is don't badger or corner children! Imagine you give a child the third degree about whether or not she has homework.

She denies it six times and finally, after your seventh question, she admits that, Yes, she has some.

What has happened?

By this time, of course, you are furious. More important, however, you also have given your child six times to practice lying!

You may think to yourself, "Sooner or later she'll realize she can't fool me and she'll give up." Wrong. Many children will continue to take the easy way out: they will simply attempt to avoid any confrontation with you and become better liars.

Either You Know the Truth or You Don’t
Look at it this way: you either know the truth or you don't. If you don't know what is going on, ask once and don't badger.

It's a good idea here not to ask "impulsively”.

Many kids simply respond back impulsively. They lie, but their real desire is just to end the conversation, get rid of you, and avoid trouble.

If you are going to ask, you might say something like, "I want you to tell me the story of what happened, but not right now. Think about it a while and we'll talk in fifteen minutes."

If she tells you the story and you find out later that the child lied, punish her for whatever the offense was as well as for the lie. No lectures or tantrums from you.

Deal with the problem and try to fix things, as best you can, so that lying does not seem necessary to the child.

If you do know what has happened, tell her what you know and deal with it. If she has done something wrong that you know about, simply punish her reasonably for that and end the conversation with, "I'm sure you'll do better next time."

Keep Your Perspective
Some parents still prefer to ask a child what happened, even when they already know what it was. This is OK if you do it right.

You should say something like, "I got a call from the school today about an incident at lunch. I'm going to ask you to tell me the story, but not right now. I want you to think about it for a while, and then when you're ready you can tell me, but remember I already pretty much know what happened."

Lying is not good, but it certainly isn't the end of the world either. It happens from time to time. It doesn't mean that your kids don't love you or that they are bound to grow up to become professional criminals.

However, over time, frequent emotional overreactions on your part, combined with badgering and cornering, can produce a very Accomplished Liar.

Dyslexia: Octavia Butler Author Extraordinaire

Despite her Dyslexia, Octavia Butler was an award-winning author of thirteen books. She was a pioneer in the science fiction genre, winning both the Nebula and the Hugo Awards.

In 1995, Butler was honoured with a MacArthur fellowship, and in 2005, she was the recipient of the City College of New York's Langston Hughes Medal.

The Pen Center West awarded her with a lifetime achievement award. Tragically, she died in 2006, after a fall outside of her home.

Throughout her life Octavia never considered herself to be very bright, much less a genius. In fact, she struggled in school, where teachers interpreted her slow reading and inability to finish assignments in the allotted time, as laziness and an unwillingness to do the work.

But when given the time to write in school, Butler would weave tales that were so out-of-the-box her teacher assumed she had copied them from a published story.

When she was thirteen, one teacher did recognize her talents as a writer and encouraged her to submit a short story to a science fiction magazine, he even typed it out for her.

That story would be the first of many she submitted for publication, and would signify the moment Butler knew that she wanted to, and could, write for a living; however, Butler was writing stories for herself long before then.

A shy loner, Butler found solace and company in words. At as young as four years old, she was making up stories for herself; and as she recalls in an interview with the literary journal Callaloo, “By the time I was ten I was writing, and I carried a big notebook around so that whenever I had some time I could write in it.

That way, I didn’t have to be lonely. I usually had very few friends, and I was lonely. But when I wrote I wasn’t, which was probably a good reason for my continuing to write as a young kid. I read a lot also, for the same reasons.”

Despite her dyslexia, she was a bookworm, reading everything that she could find. Butler described how she got her first library card: “When I was six and was finally given books to read in school, I found them incredibly dull; they were Dick and Jane books. I asked my mother for a library card. I remember the surprised look on her face. She looked surprised and happy. She immediately took me to the library and got me a card. From then on the library was my second home.”

Butler’s mother only had three years of education, but she learned to read, and worked hard as a housekeeper to make sure that her daughter learned to read and went to school.

After high school, Butler went on to graduate from Pasadena City College with an Associates of Arts degree in 1968.

Read more of Octavia Butler's story here: Octavia Butler: Author