Stepparents are not always evil: Parents' need a strategy to love their children

Contrary to common belief, parents do not generally treat their stepchildren less favourably than their own. Until now, many researchers believed in the so-called "Cinderella effect."

It states that it is biologically inevitable that parents care less for stepchildren because they do not spread their genes.

Kai Willführ

Researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research (MPIDR) in Rostock, Germany, have discovered an important exception.

If there is a reasonable chance of increasing wealth in the parents' environment then no difference is made between one's own children and stepchildren.

Thus, parental care depends on more than just the biological relationship.

Alain Gagnon

This is the result of a study published by MPIDR researcher Kai Willführ together with Alain Gagnon from the University of Montreal, Canada, in the scientific journal "Biodemography and Social Biology."

"We are now able to prove that the Cinderella effect is not an inevitable reflex of stepparents," says Kai Willführ.

The scientists investigated if and how strongly parents neglected their stepchildren by looking at the mortality of children in historic patchwork families from the 17th to 19th century.

They compared the Krummhörn region of East Frisia (Germany), which was a densely populated area with little space for economic development, and the growing Canadian settlements in Québec.

For both areas they calculated how the children's chances of survival changed when a stepmother moved in.

The conclusions showed that only in Krummhörn, which offered fewer opportunities for economic growth, the stepmother had a negative influence.

In Krummhörn children from a father's first marriage died more often before the age of 15 if a stepmother moved in.

This effect was not seen in Québec. The "Cinderella effect," therefore, does not inevitably seem to occur. The stepmothers must have treated their children in East Frisia and Canada completely differently.

When do stepchildren die young?
The extent of this effect is striking: if a Krummhörn girl lost her mother early, the likelihood of her dying before the age of 15 more than doubled compared to a girl whose mother did not die.

If the father remarried and the stepmother joined the family, mortality doubled again. Thus, the arrival of a stepmother affected the girls in East Frisia as much as the death of their own mother.

In Québec, however, the risk of dying young barely changed when the new mother moved in.

"The stepmothers in Québec seemed to understand that the offspring from their husband's first marriage were not competition for their own children with their new husband," says MPIDR researcher Kai Willführ.

In fact, the Canadian half siblings were considered to be allies of the biological children. On the contrary, according to the "Cinderella effect", stepparents would always consider foreign children to be competitors to their own children and thus neglect them.

Love for children is strategy
But that only happened in Krummhörn, where siblings competed for basic needs. "We assume that stepmothers neglected, exploited or even abused the children from their husband's first marriage," says socio-biologist Willführ.

The fact that this only happened in East Frisia shows that the context in which patchwork families are living - whether there is room for economic development or not - strongly influences how parents allocate their affection to their own children and stepchildren.

Although the scientists used historic data, their results have fundamentally challenged the veracity of the "Cinderella effect.

"It is therefore also true today, that stepparents are not always evil," says researcher Kai Willführ. For their study, Willführ and Gagnon traced thousands of children up to age 15 in East Frisia and Québec.

By individually reconstructing whether and when a parent died, a stepmother or stepfather moved in, and whether half-siblings were born during this period, they were able to calculate the influence of all those events on the survival rate of boys and girls.

Dates of births, christenings, weddings and funerals were taken from old church registers. For the Krummhörn region in East Frisia the researchers looked at the birth cohorts from 1720 to 1859, and for Québec at those from 1670 to 1750.

More information: Kai Willführ, Alain Gagnon, Are step-parents always evil? Parental death, remarriage, and child survival in demographically saturated Krummhörn (1720-1859) and expanding Québec (1670-1750) Biodemography and Social Biology, DOI: 10.1080/19485565.2013.833803

Sibling Bullying: Are Parents in denial about sibling aggression?

Siblings routinely pick on one another, but when does bickering become bullying - and what can parents do about it?

Sibling relationships can be difficult, and never more so than in childhood. But society often regards the scrapping and squabbling, the play fighting and not-so-playful fighting as a normal part of growing up.

"The public brushes off aggression between siblings as just rivalry," says Corinna Tucker of the Carsye Institute, University of New Hampshire.

Tucker is the lead author of a new study on the issue for the journal Pediatrics. Almost a third of the 3,600 children questioned said they had been the victim of some sort of sibling aggression in the past 12 months.

This included a range of acts from theft and psychological abuse to physical assault, either mild or severe. In comparison, research suggests that up to a quarter of children are victims of schoolyard aggression every year.

Corinna Tucker uses the term "sibling aggression" in her study, but psychologists are increasingly reaching for a familiar label for the bad stuff that goes on between brothers and sisters - bullying.

This is defined by experts as intentional acts of aggression, repeated over a period of time, where an individual or group is in a position of power over someone.

So sibling relationships would seem the perfect breeding ground for bullying, since children live together for a long period of time and there is usually an intellectual and physical power imbalance.

Although there might not be an outright malevolence, there is often reason for jealousy.

"A sibling relationship is emotionally intense - it's one of those relationships where you can love them and you can hate them at the same time," says Tucker.

"And siblings are natural competitors for family resources and parents' attention."

Laura - who grew up in a house she shared with four siblings and a foster brother - did not consider it bullying at the time, but now thinks the term captures what went on in their house in Ohio.

"My older brother - I would say he beat up on all of us," she says, her voice breaking. Although he never hurt them badly, he liked to wrestle his sisters, pinning them to the floor.

"He was bigger and stronger than us - he could put us in very powerless situations. It was really scary."

For her brother, she believes, the activity gave him a momentary sense of control at a chaotic time for the family. Her mother, who had depression, had left home.

The children were all particularly mean to the youngest sister Tracy who had been the focus of their mother's attention. In the afternoons, after school and before their father came home from work, they would tease Tracy until she phoned her mother to try to get them to stop.

"I remember us saying to her: 'Mum can't do anything about it - she isn't coming here,'" recalls Laura. "And my dad - I think he was so overwhelmed that he only ended up dealing with the most serious things."

Her father later told Laura that he had sent her foster brother back to the orphanage because he was being bullied so much by Laura's middle sisters, a pair of twins.

Research led by Dieter Wolke at the University of Warwick on large samples of British and Israeli schoolchildren has found that half the children who suffered from sibling bullying also suffered bullying at school - and that this group was particularly at risk of unhappiness or developing behavioural problems.

"If you only have sibling bullying or school bullying you are about 2.7 times more likely to have behaviour problems, but if you have both then it's 14 times more likely," says Wolke. "And the point about this is that you don't have any escape. It's 24/7."

Little is known about the long-term effects of sibling bullying but Jan Parker, a family psychotherapist and a co-author of Raising Happy Brothers and Sisters, is certain that they can be "serious and lifelong".

"We're very familiar with discussions on the impact of [school] bullying," she says. "I don't think it takes a great imaginative leap to understand the impact of it happening within your own home. You feel that you are not only let down by the person bullying you, but also by the adults in your life that are letting it go unchecked."

While sibling fights are normal, parents need to be aware of a pattern developing over time, she says. Parents are advised to talk to the children about what's happening. If they are worried, they could speak to a health professional.

They should also consider what might be causing the problems. "There is one known predictor - it's when siblings perceive there to be a wide disparity between how they are treated and how their brother and sister are treated," she says.

Robin Kowalski spoke to Health Check on the BBC World Service - listen again to the programme on iPlayer or get the Health Check podcast.

US Public has more empathy for Battered Dogs than Battered Children

People have more empathy for battered puppies and full grown dogs than they do for some humans—adults, but not children, finds new research to be presented at the 108th Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association.

Jack Levin

"Contrary to popular thinking, we are not necessarily more disturbed by animal rather than human suffering," said Jack Levin, the Irving and Betty Brudnick Professor of Sociology and Criminology at Northeastern University.

"Our results indicate a much more complex situation with respect to the age and species of victims, with age being the more important component. The fact that adult human crime victims receive less empathy than do child, puppy, and full grown dog victims suggests that adult dogs are regarded as dependent and vulnerable not unlike their younger canine counterparts and kids."

In their study, Levin and co-author Arnold Arluke, a sociology professor at Northeastern University, considered the opinions of 240 men and women, most of whom were white and between the ages of 18-25, at a large northeastern university.

Arnold Arluke

Participants randomly received one of four fictional news articles about the beating of a one-year-old child, an adult in his thirties, a puppy, or a 6-year-old dog.

The stories were identical except for the victim's identify. After reading their story, respondents were asked to rate their feelings of empathy towards the victim.

"We were surprised by the interaction of age and species," Levin said.

"Age seems to trump species, when it comes to eliciting empathy. In addition, it appears that adult humans are viewed as capable of protecting themselves while full grown dogs are just seen as larger puppies."

Interestingly, the researchers found that the difference in empathy for children versus puppies was statistically non-significant.

As for considering the opinions of 240 college students, Levin said it is common practice to use homogenous samples for studies such as his that center around an experiment.

"Unlike survey research, experiments usually employ a homogenous sample in order to establish a cause and effect relationship rather than to generalize a large population," Levin said.

"However, there is really no reason to believe that our results would differ very much nationally, particularly among college students."

While the study focused on dogs and humans, Levin thinks the findings would be similar for cats and people as well. "Dogs and cats are family pets," he said.

"These are animals to which many individuals attribute human characteristics."

More information: The paper, "Are People More Disturbed by Animal or Human Suffering? Assessing the Influence of Victim's Species and Age on Empathy," will be presented on Saturday, Aug. 10, at 8:30 a.m. EDT in New York City at the American Sociological Association's 108th Annual Meeting.

Autism: Mother bugs cuddly toy to capture abuse by care home staff

A mother has caught care home staff shouting abuse at her autistic son, after she bugged his teddy bear.

Christine Anne Mayor, of Wales, UK, hid a small recording device inside her 15-year-old son's cuddly toy and captured the carers making 'unacceptable' remarks to the vulnerable teenager.

The tape reveals voices shouting and swearing at Kyle Thomas, calling him at 'dirty boy'.

On the tape, voices can be heard shouting 'dirty boy' at Kyle Thomas, as well as a series of expletives.

Following a lengthy investigation and formal hearing by Rhondda Cynon Taf council's Children's Services, four employees have been given formal warnings but have remained in their posts.

Single mother Christine said her severely autistic son had been visiting the Nantgwyn centre for four years, spending on spent around four nights a month at the Aberdare home to allow his mother brief respite.

But Ms Mayor said she decided to take matters into her own hands when she heard her child using abusive language.

She said: 'Kyle cannot talk properly and he suffers with Echolalia, which means he repeats a lot of things people say.

'I knew he was getting these words from somewhere, so I decided to take matters into my own hands in October last year.

'I bought a recording device and put it inside the head of Kyle's Waybuloo toy.' 

'When I brought it home and listened to the recording, I nearly had a heart attack.'

'What I heard was completely inappropriate language and I was not happy with the tone of their voices. I felt that the way they spoke to him was really horrible.'

A lengthy transcript of the recording was made and the matter was initially handled by South Wales Police before being handed over to social services.

She said: 'As my son cannot talk properly, he couldn't tell me what was wrong - I felt like I needed to be his voice.

'He would curl up into the brace position whenever we tried to drop him off at the home, and he'd always back away from the door. It could have been happening for years.

'I put my trust in these people and they've let me down.'

Ms Mayor is now looking to complain to the ombudsman about the four staff members being reinstated.

A council spokesman said: 'Rhondda Cynon Taf council can confirm that it received a complaint from an individual in relation to a residential children's facility within the county borough.

'Following receipt of this complaint, a full investigation was conducted and appropriate action concluded in line with council policy.'

Online Child Protection : CEOP UK Video

'The Parents' and Carers' Guide to the Internet', from CEOP, is a light hearted and realistic look at what it takes to be a better online parent. The show covers topics such as, talking to your child about the technologies they use and the things they might see, such as pornography.

With interviews from leading experts such as, Professor Tanya Byron, Dr Linda Papadopoulos and Reg Bailey, as well as key industry players from Facebook, Club Penguin and Moshi Monsters , this online guide aims to equip you with the tools to have those tricky conversations with your children and keep your family safe online.

Childhood Addictions: Unacceptable, Abusive and Avoidance Behaviours

A new US survey has found that more and more American teens are participating in abusive and addictive behaviours i.e. smoking pot, abusing pain killers and using illicitly-obtained stimulants prescribed to treat Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).
15.9 percent of tenth graders reported using marijuana in the last month. The percentage of eighth graders who considered using ecstasy once or twice a dangerous activity decreased from 42.5 percent in 2004 to 26 percent in 2009.

Abusive Activities
It isn’t just drugs our kids are addicted to. Kids are now playing a very dangerous and abusive game called “the choking game”. This “game” is an abusive activity that involves them choking one another or using improvised nooses to cut off the essential oxygen supply to the brain, just long enough to feel “high” and not long enough to black out, hopefully.

Self Harm
Teens are also using sugary drinks and food as a drug. This comfort eating is causing obesity rates to soar. These are simply avoidance and coping strategies that children are using to avoid facing what's happening in their lives and in the world today. It's like saying that anything will do to get them away from reality.

Obesity in children has the effect of excluding a child from normal competitive activities, not just sports but social activities involving interactivity and relationships between the sexes. This is a more 'comfortable' place for the child to inhabit and once established, it is very difficult to leave.

Positive re-enforcement

Obesity in children can be induced by parents trying to deminstrate their love in an inappropriate way and because the food is provided by a loving, comforting person, the child associates the food with love and comfort. It is this positive re-enforcement that is difficult to overcome.

Technology abuse
Marijuana, pain medication, stimulants, the choking game or fast food are not necessarily the biggest “drugs” to which kids are addicted. They are using their iPods, DSIs, YouTube, reality TV and the modern cult of 'celebrity' as escapism.

They are doing this to shut down their minds, avoid dealing with their feelings and emotions. They have come to substitute these unpredictable and complex emotions with the simpler on/off “high” of being lead by technology and have become voyeurs to other people's distress and emotions, displayed to them on a screen, and categorised as 'entertainment.'

At What Cost?
The price that humanity will pay for raising a generation of substance, technology and artificially stimulated emotion addicts, is probably incalculable. We can certainly expect that teenagers using pot, painkillers, choking each other for kicks, etc will be unable to resolve their emotional and psychological issues, in this way.

Consequently, they face an increased rate not only of repetative substance dependence, underpinned by depression and anxiety and associated physiological disorders, e.g. hypertension, cardiac disease, malignancy, etc.

Puberty and Sex
Unresolved emotional conflicts during puberty lead to greater risk taking in sexual exploration and intercourse becomes the 'perceived' answer. After all that's what the glossy magazines, films, pop stars and popular personalities advocate.

If our young people turn to sex to resolve issues, we can expect higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases, over the next ten years. We have to anticipate more violence from both sexes, because our young people are evolving into adults with little or no real experience or guidance as to how they manage their emotions, including anger, envy and jealousy.

Avoidance of Disruptive Interruptions
There is also a higher likelihood of repeatedly turning to street drugs, to try to contain or avoid the uncomfortable feelings and emotions that arise everyday and in normal human interaction.

Their psyche is broadcasting emotional shockwaves that their immature brains do not understand and cannot, or do not want to, deal with. Therefore it grasps at a familiar avoidance tactic. The drug induced solution turns off or turns down, the level of consciousness and therefore the need to deal with this disruptive 'interruption.'

Life-threatening events

If the distraction becomes a life-threatening event, as in the 'choking' game, then the brain is forced to re-calculate it's priorities. The internal alarm systems trigger and the more dominant and instinctive reactions that are pre-programmed to sustain the life of any human, take over. They stabalises and normalises the body's physiological functions.

The release of adrenalin and nor-adrenalin during these traumatic events create a 'high' feeling, as well as dispelling and discarding any 'non'essential' thoughts, emotions and activities. The troubled thought have been extinguished but only for a limited space of time and is has been done at a huge cost to the body.

There are better ways to resolve troubled thoughts. Ways that are more effective and not only less damaging but also more beneficial and soothing to the psyche.

Muffled Senses
All of this activity can be reduced to the simple adage that you need to get 'high' to enjoy life and to fully participate in life's great adventure. We need to be intoxicated in some, less cognitive and have a more distorted or muffled sense of our present reality. This comes from the 'brand' and 'lifestyle' marketing that our children are faced with all day every day. They have grown up with it, you, as parents have not.

Don't Panic!
I believe there is still hope for our children and that hope is in the parents' hands. Your role, as a parent or guardian, is to show them the pleasure and joy that can exist in being with other people, interacting in a playful non-threatening way, listening to the experiences of their elders or people from other countries.

Show them the benefit of cooperation and collaborative play, the value of each link in the chain of events that leads to a succesful outcome and the resolution of troubling issues. The pessimistic view is too painful to endorse and with effort, it can be changed from this point on. As their parents or guardians, take the lead and break their addiction in a positive, loving and supportive way.

You are invited to share your experiences, successes and concerns with me here. Please post a comment.